Part of a story. Like it much?

It is the genre people like. It's not too new or exciting but I have a strange fascination with it and would like to read more. I agree spend less time on the outfits, instead try to describe how the person actually looks. Skin tones, hair color, ex-cetera. Don't ask questions from the reader like : "You know how ....?" Instead say something like :" I've noticed how....". NEVER USE YOU IN A STORY! (unless in dialogue). You have good descriptions, especially the thunderstorm. Keep doing that. You should publish your work on writerscafe.org and post the link on yahoo answers. I would definitely read it.